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From Serial Dater to Long-Term Lover

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From Serial Dater to Long-Term Lover

Frankly, that would be more likely to have me screaming and running away. Which brings me to my second point… 4. Take it slow This is really important – and sadly, I think some people are put off because they don’t take it slowly or spend long enough “warming up” Slow for me means, he pushes the head of the cock against my rear opening and then pauses, gives me a moment to feel him there. I like it when he then pushes just the tip of his cock inside me and again pauses, allowing me to adjust to the sensation. Then again, a little more and pause, let me get used to the stretch – and so forth Sometimes he can tell from my breathing that he has paused long enough, or if I push back a little, encouraging him to give me a little more. But we will also use that wonderful power of speech! He will ask me if I am okay, I will tell him when I am ready for more 5. Use some lube Your bottom does not produce natural lubrication in the same way your pussy does, so you need to add some lube (I would suggest a good water-based one). a generous coating of lube on his cock and on your hole will help you both to enjoy the experience much more With time, you may choose to use less lube. My partner loves the sensation when we don’t use any lube, he enjoys the tightness and the tug on his foreskin – and with experience you may choose to try these things.

But to start off with lube, lube, lube and more lube 6. Enjoy some anal foreplay As with any sex, there is a lot of fun to be had with the foreplay. Firstly, get the mood right, so you both feel aroused. It is also important that she feels relaxed – partly knowing that you will both stop if she isn’t enjoying it, but also entering her will be easier if her muscles relax A sensual massage with particular attention on her buttocks is a good way to start A well lubed finger or two can be wonderful stimulation but also help get her warmed up for what is to come 7. Anal toys Toys are another good idea for foreplay. A small butt plug is a great beginner toy. All the same rules apply – take it slow, use lube – but it can be a great warm up for taking something bigger Start with some foreplay and then I would recommend lying down on your front on the bed with a pillow under your hips, or on all fours if you prefer. Let him apply a generous amount of lube to you and the toy, and then very slowly and gradually push it inside you Once it is inside, you may want to roll over onto your back and then the choice is up to the two of you. He might want to use his mouth to pleasure your clit or slide his cock inside your pussy. Either way, the plug inside you should add a wonderful extra dynamic 8. Clit play On some occasions, I seem to be able to take him anally relatively easily, other times I struggle a bit more.

Some clit play really helps when I am struggling. For me, the pleasure on my clit helps me balance any pain Depending on the position, this could be his fingers playing with my clit or sometimes me using a clit vibe on myself as he enters me. I have been known to “accidentally” forget to remove the clit vibe and just continue enjoying the two wonderful sensations! 9. Is it messy? I know this is a common concern and generally the answer is no. However, as a lover once said to me on an evening when the sheets were not pristine afterwards “If you play with fire, occasionally you will get burnt” – we both giggled and it stopped me feeling any embarrassment I think that is the right atmosphere to create. But if you are worried about a little mess, put a towel down that you can clear away afterwards if need be Alternatively, you can buy an anal douche from most sex toy suppliers and use this beforehand if you want to ensure you are pristine 10. Switching between holes It is not recommended to switch back from anal sex to vaginal sex – even if everything looks perfectly clean. I heard a wonderful description of the vagina as a “delicate ecosystem” and you don’t want to introduce any unwelcome bacteria into that ecosystem. It can commonly cause urinary tract infections or more complex bacterial infections – all of which are not enjoyable So, if you want to switch back, ensure he has a quick clean up and if you are using condoms, he pops on a clean one I hope these tips help you in trying anal sex – following them should help to make it a fun and satisfying experience for you both Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook6Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Sex Tagged in: anal sex Have you ever been out on a first date with someone you’re very attracted to?

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It can be hard to figure out whether to order a steak or a salad, let alone drum up a witty or interesting question to ask them. I found myself in this exact scenario on my birthday, February 26, 2020, out to dinner with a quirky mid-twenties brunette I had recently met while shopping for wireless headphones at Marshall’s When I first saw her, I saw that she clearly put effort into her appearance that evening. Everything from her silky brown hair to her wafting perfume to her trendy leather jacket was totally on point. Flash forward 30 minutes, and I’m just staring at this girl, wracking my brain of just what to say.

I’m drawing a total blank; I can’t just stall forever until our waiter returns with our Michelob Ultra’s (Don’t judge me; I’ve improved since then) My mind can only come up with one thing, so I go with it “Do you have any hidden talents?” I don’t think it’s possible to ever truly be “expecting” a certain answer to that question, especially on a first date. I mean, it’s A hidden talent. What the hell would I know? But what she answered left me at first intrigued, then dumbstruck, then horrified“Oh my god, you’re going to think this is crazy but, I can see and sometimes talk to ghosts” WHAT!!?!?!?! I’m utterly speechless at that point. I let out a nervous laugh, half hoping she’s going to hit me with a “Gotchaaa” but that gotcha never came. Her eyes just got more and more serious as she nodded her head. Where is the damn waiter, I need this Michelob Ultra now more than ever. So anyways, she starts on this story about how she was at her childhood best friends’ house up in Michigan, and she saw the ghost of a little girl playing in the back yard, and apparently the house was super old and dated back to the early 1900s.

To top it off, she said when I first bumped into her at Marshall’s, she felt she “knew me” already because I had apparently appeared in one of her visions into the future. I’m not sure what my facial expression was at this point, but inside my head, I was losing it. I’ve never been too well-versed in the paranormal other than the occasional scary movie, and that one time at a Halloween party where I dressed up as the ghost of Mr. Peanut (RIP, a legend gone too soon), but this was definitely one step too far into the paranormal realm for young Alex, and I was ready to tuck, roll, and jump out of this runaway train as fast as humanly possible. The date finished and as I was walking her to her car she hugged me goodbye. I was half-expecting her car to be a hearse, but it was in fact a Toyota Prius, which calmed my nerves. Not because it wasn’t an omen of black death, but because its the perfect combination of gas mileage and safety ratings. I never saw that girl again ( part of this was my doing by my steering clear of that Marshall’s, no matter how ridiculously-low priced their workout shorts are) but one thing is for sure, that was a birthday i won’t soon forget.

Moral of the story? When asking a girl if she has any hidden talents, be prepared for an answer that may surprise you. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dates & Details Tagged in: paranormal Couple communication is a subtle art with a lot of dos and don’ts. No one ever really explains the dynamics of maintaining effective communication between couples, but this article will give you ten tips to smooth things out with your partner. Apart from physical attraction and the magic pixie dust of fate, communication is a major part of what brings people together in friendships, relationships, and marriage. No wonder, then, that communication is the golden key for couples who want to enrich and sustain their relationship. Still, you’ve got to wonder: isn’t it funny that no one really tells you how to communicate? Here’s a secret: it may not be easy, but it’s not exactly rocket science either. Here are ten tips for couple relationship communication and conflict resolution. 1. Just Listen: Don’t Judge, Don’t Advise, Don’t Discount When your significant other is talking, listen. Listening is probably the most important part of communication, especially if you are a man. Don’t interrupt the conversation by offering advice that has not been requested. You end up looking judgmental and condescending. The art of listening involves lot of empathy and patience.

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to understand their situation. If you don’t understand, ask them to repeat or clarify. 2. Say What You Want From Your Partner Your significant other can’t read your mind unless you express yourself clearly and directly. If you want more help with the chores, be open about it. If you want your partner to contribute more to your finances, say it. Also, before you start talking, say if you are looking for advice or are just venting. Don’t leave people guessing, which creates unnecessary stress and tension.

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If it is something that you feel is sensitive, it might be okay to involve trusted friends and family. However, be very careful with this option as it is easily misconstrued for overstepping and lead to mistrust. Try using a best friend, parents, or siblings for a start. 3. Think Before You Speak Communication is meant to be a conscious process. Don’t be the kind of person who opens their mouth every time they feel that they have something to say.

In the military, they teach you that every conversation should have an objective. Unless you’re making small talk, make your conversations thoughtful and objective to avoid hurting your partner inadvertently. 4. Be Sincere and Truthful Agree from the word go to always be open and truthful with your partner. This builds trust and creates an environment where each party is free to communicate their feelings and needs without needing to justify themselves. However, there is a limit to this sincerity in a couple of communication problems. If you suspect your partner is doing something like cheating but have no evidence, don’t say it. Get concrete evidence before confronting them, because if you say it and it happens to be false, you will push them away for good. 5. Respect Each Other’s Opinion A lot of couple communication articles encourage diplomacy in a relationship, which means respecting each other’s opinions and agreeing to differ when the situation calls for it. Relationship experts do it by recognizing that a couple is composed of three entities: the two individuals and their relationship. That means that you always have to think of the ‘I,’ ‘You,’ and ‘We’ to help clarify your goals and improve couple communication.

However, sometimes love is gone for good, and no amount of communication will resuscitate it. When it’s time to find new love, visit for best rated dating sites and start your search for true love. 6. Make A conscious Effort to Keep Communication Alive Couple and family communication tend to fizzle out when it left to its own means. Work, school, kids, friends, hobbies, and other distractions will eat into it unless every party makes a conscious decision to keep communication alive. Set aside times for talking, even when you have no specific agenda. It allows everyone to start speaking their minds. However, it would help if you always chose the right place to initiate conversations. 7. Always Clarify and Avoid Assumptions Assumptions are a sure way to kill any conversations. Don’t jump ahead of your partner by having preconceived conclusions before they are actually spoken. If you have any doubts or questions, have them clarified right there and then. The successful conveyance of meaning is the only way to have an effective couple’s communication. 8. Ask After Their Welfare One early trend in a couple’s lack of communication is disinterest in daily welfare.

Simple things like ‘how were your day’ or how did the meeting go’ are crucial if you care about your partner and want to keep communication alive. Be open when asking such questions to give them a chance to share. If you ask, ‘did your meeting go well?’ chances are that you will get answered with a simple yes or no statement. However, an open-ended question gives more room for sharing. 9. Learn to Read Their Non-Verbal Cues In his book ‘Silent Messages,’ Professor Mehrabian showed that at least 55% of meaning is conveyed through non-verbal cues. Facial expressions, gestures, inferred meaning, emotions, among others, carry much of the weight in meaning. So much for direct and clear communication. Learn to read your partner.

What signs show their frustration? What says they’re angry? Part of being a successful couple is being tuned to each other’s body language to understand them better. 10. Don’t Read More Than Is Proffered On the same note, don’t be an annoying mind reader. No one likes to be probed and analyzed like a specimen. If they asked about your day, answer, and leave it at that. Why do you need to know why they asked about your day?

As a couple, you need to learn not to investigate each other’s every motive and trust that they mean your good. If you can’t trust your significant other, there is little reason to be together in the first place. Conclusion Any relationship needs effective communication to remain successful. Whether it’s between you and your parents, friends, a boss at work, or couple communication, embracing these tips will help you deal with people better. What do you wish that those close to you knew about you? Let us know in the comments below. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…

Share This Article Facebook7Tweet0Pin3 Posted in: Online Dating Tagged in: communication, couple communication, couple conflict resolution, listen, love I was home in bed, alone on a Friday evening. Exhausted from a difficult work week, I had turned down my friends offer of a night out. And now I was tucked in with a glass of red wine and a bowl of popcorn. It would have been perfect, if not for one crucial detail. My jealousy.   As I was flicking through Instagram the guy I had broken up with a couple of months earlier (and stupidly not blocked) showed up. a new fling in his arms and surrounded by a lush field of grapevines. Hashtag Bordeaux I kindly reminded myself that he had been cheap, boring and way to vocal about his skepticism against global warming. On top of this his bedroom skills had been way to one dimensional. And despite some hints he just was “not a big fan of personal development”. Even aware of these facts the pictures of lush vineyards and laughing strangers stung me. His happiness hurt.

See, I have always been a jealous person. I know it’s not a good quality. I try to hide it, to deny it. That’s probably why I hadn’t blocked him. An Instagram denial about my own shortcomings. No one wants to be jealous. No one enjoys being jealous. That night I lost control. As I had finished scrolling through Instagram I went over to Facebook and checked in on at least three different exes. My face was burning. I couldn’t eat the popcorn. My soul was hurting. Thanks to my phone all those lives were too easily accessible.

I saw newly born children, marriage vows and holiday pictures. I finally fell asleep, sad, jealous and exhausted. My own history My love life started out with a bit of a disaster. Me and my first real boyfriend got together when we were only 18, he was my first love. I was his first love. We stayed together for far too long. 9 years to be exact. During too many of those years, we were trying to figure out if we were for-ever material or if we should just move on. And part of us trying to figure out what to do with each other, involved falling in love with other people and being unfaithful. Our destructive pattern eventually led us to breaking up. He is married now, with two kids, and yes, I am friend with him on Facebook. In most ways I have moved on. But jealousy have the ability to keep on lingering around. And it hurts.   Added to this mix we have the internet. a great place for connecting with likeminded, finding new cool restaurant, doing your grocery shopping on the bus ride home.

A place of endless information. And for a jealous person like myself, a place of endless temptations. When I’m scrolling through Facebook or Instagram, I’m jealous of all the lives I’m never going to have. Endless Temptations  On top of the Friday-night disaster, I had just started my excursion into online dating. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, considering my jealousy. Online dating in general and Tinder in particular is known for its fickle and multi-dating nature. Something I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to handle. But as you may have noticed by now, I have a liking for playing with burning flames. You don’t need to be a genius to realize I had to do something different to survive in the modern-day dating world.

The only upside to being a raging jealous monster is all the methods I came up with to try and tame the monster. I’m the disease and the antidote wrapped into one half-skitzo person. Waking up the next morning I knew exactly what would work. I wowed to be strict about my own jealousy rehab. If you also have a jealousy problem, you have arrived to the right place. And yes, these techniques work for dealing with your Tinder-fling connected jealousy as well as those long-lost lovers that you still follow on social media. This is the first rule of being jealous. Don’t go there. Don’t look at Facebook and Instagram. Don’t stalk ex boyfriends or girlfriends. Don’t try and find out what your new fling is up to by constantly checking their Instagram account. Unfollow and if necessary, Unfriend. If it doesn’t bring happiness and satisfaction to your life, don’t bring it in.  Put down the phone. Shut of the computer. Go out and meet a couple of friends, go for a run.

Join a yoga class. The best periods of my life have been when I’m so focused and busy with everything else that I don’t really have time to look at social media. 1. Don’t give in If you can’t handle this moderate approach you have to go cold turkey. Just like not everyone can drink moderately, not everyone can manage their social media presence without going crazy with jealousy. Just be honest with yourself. The times I have been on a social media break has been freeing and wonderful, and frankly very productive. Why do I get back on? Because I like to keep in touch with friends, I like to share pictures from fun moments in our life’s. Social media is a part of our community and thus hard to stay away from. But when it comes to taking care of your mental health you have to prioritize.

After the Friday night disaster, I put myself on a month of social media celibacy. 2. Don’t Believe it Social media doesn’t show peoples reality. People rarely publish their failures ( but when they do, it’s always freeing and cool) What they do show is a carefully staged, diamond encrusted version of what their reality look like. All those beautiful pictures and inspirational quotes are the highlights.